What Makes A Marriage Last? ... The Grandmother I Always Wanted - Coronado Eagle & Journal | Coronado News | Coronado Island News: Opinion

What Makes A Marriage Last? ... The Grandmother I Always Wanted

by Linda L. Austin | Posted: Thursday, February 13, 2020 3:56 pm

February is the love month when everyone, even elementary children, focus on acts of love or friendship. Married couples expect to show their love with flowers, candy, special meals, eating out, or other creative gestures. Showing love is important in any relationship if you wish it to thrive.

No one goes into marriage expecting it to fail, but what goes into making a good marriage that lasts? Pre-marriage counselors point out that faithfulness, common interests and values, respect for each other, and a willingness to work through problems are essential for a solid, happy union that endures the tests of time. Those who have been in a marriage for several years know that marriage is not easy. Each person is unique, so living with anyone takes patience and a willingness to understand the other person. It takes a lot of deliberate effort with a mindset imprinted with “We love each other enough to make this work.”

Ruth Bader Ginzburg, when asked how she could have stayed married for 56 years said, “Sometimes you have to be a little deaf.”

Knowing words said in anger may not be true does not remove the heart hurt, but an apology may help it diminish. Apologizing when you are wrong goes a long way in any relationship.

Being able to overlook the trivia and select your battles is paramount. Your spouse’s daily habits may be annoying, but are they worth the confrontation? In the scheme of life, what is really important to you? Loving someone enough to accept a person who is always late, who leaves his clothes on the floor, who leaves crumbs wherever he eats, who insists on controlling the remote, who takes too long in the bathroom may be a sign of true love. While correcting these tiny faults would also show love, they are part of living with someone else.

Whether married over half a century or only a few years, married couples, if given time to compose their thoughts, may list many reasons their marriage has worked. However, without deliberating very long, Coronado residents offered their ideas on how they felt about the question “What goes into making both a good marriage and a long one?” Their answers are full of wisdom.

“Watching the words you use.” Kayleigh, married 7 years.

“A forgiving attitude.” Paul, married 56 years.

“Family, friends, and a good sense of humor.” Donna, married 53 years.

“Willing to compromise.” Jerry, married 38 years.

“Talk to each other, even during the hard times. It will make you and your relationship stronger.” Missey, married 14 years.

“Having your spouse as your best friend with common interests.” Lyn, married 59 years.

“Accepting the Lord.” Bobbi, married 47 years.

“Not letting the stupid things bother you.” Bob, married 53 years.

“Love, accommodation to each other’s wishes, whims, and desires.” Jim, married 59 years.

“Absolute trust.” Mary, married 59 years.

“Belief in God and a strong faith.” Cindi, married 38 years.

“Notice the details and appreciate them everyday. If your spouse made dinner, realize the time and effort that went into it, even if it wasn’t your favorite meal. Simply say thank you. Tell them when you had a good time, whether you’re out at a concert or if you’re just watching TV together. Say ‘I sure had fun being with you.’” Susie, married 38 years.